Well, we have the news at our 1st complete IVF cycle didn't work. It is a BIG FAT NEGATIVE! I really do hate hearing those words. Every time I hear those words as applied to myself or anyone else (especially my online friends also dealing with infertility), I just feel a little more of our world and the world of those dealing with infertility crashing down. Hopes being crushed!
We keep praying that one of our IVF cycles will work. The process is so very emotionally draining. While going through the process, we must keep upbeat and hopeful believing that this IUI or IVF cycle WILL be the cycle that we get pregnant. Then with each BFN, we are crushed! Total devastation. With IVF, you KNOW that 2 or 3 embryo's (babies!) were placed back in the uterus and just were not able to survive. Sometimes I feel that with each day and cycle that we go through that we are getting closer and closer to never realizing our dream of a healthy, full-term pregnancy. I would love to have a biological child, yet am also willing to consider embryo adoption or donor egg if it were determined we had a better chance of my getting pregnant.
To date, we have 9 babies in heaven. We know there will be more waiting for us in heaven. I just wish that we were able to have them with us longer here on earth to see them grow into little boys or little girls onto adulthood.
Will we ever achieve our dream, I don't know, but I still hope and pray that I get pregnant and have a healthy 9 months of pregnancy. WE are trying absolutely everything within our means and available to us through science to become pregnant... to carry a child full-term and raise that child/children.
We continue to dream for a future filled with a healthy pregnancy and beautiful children.
Our hope is in God,
Pam
Friday, August 31, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
We have Embryo's to FREEZE!
We heard from the Embryologist today and we have 2 Blastocysts to freeze! One is a Grade 2 and the other is a Grade 3. The remainder of our 10 embryo's have arrested. We are saddened by the loss of the 6 embryo's but thrilled to be able to freeze at least 2 embryo's in addition to the 2 embryo's that we transferred.
Now we patiently wait for the day to arrive when we find out whether or not our embryo's have implanted and continue to grow! We pray that the embryo's are growing, dividing and implanting. The whole process is in the hands of God and, now more than ever, we must trust in God's glorious plan for us. We really pray that this IVF works and that we will find out we are pregnant in a few weeks.
On a fun note...
Now we patiently wait for the day to arrive when we find out whether or not our embryo's have implanted and continue to grow! We pray that the embryo's are growing, dividing and implanting. The whole process is in the hands of God and, now more than ever, we must trust in God's glorious plan for us. We really pray that this IVF works and that we will find out we are pregnant in a few weeks.
On a fun note...
- We started stims on August 3rd - my niece and God Daughter, Kerrigan's 10th Birthday!
- Egg Retrieval was on August 15th - Grandma Joyce's 82nd Birthday!
- Embryo Transfer - A neighbor's daughter had her successful Embryo Transfer on this date 6 years ago!
- Once we have our POSITIVE BETA (pregnancy test) for this cycle, my due date would be May 7, 2008 which is our 3rd Wedding Anniversary!
Pam
Monday, August 20, 2007
Embryo Transfer!
Well, today we transferred 2 beautiful embryo's!!!
This was a 5 day transfer. One embryo made it to the Blastocyst - Grade 1 and the other is a Morula - Grade 2. Our Reproductive Endocrinologist uses a grading scale of 1 to 3 with 1 being excellent, 2 equals average and 3 is poor! We are very excited to have transferred the 2 embryo's.
After our Egg Retrieval, we received our fertilization report 2 days later. Of the 12 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature and 10 fertilized. We were thrilled to be parents of Dectuplets. The Embryologist warned us that due to the number of eggs that fertilized there was a possibility that we might do a 6 day transfer instead of the planned 5 day transfer. On the day before our 5 day transfer, the embryologist called and confirmed that we would do a 5 day transfer but that it would be in the late afternoon.
At the time of our embryo transfer, we had a 3rd Morula that was a Grade 3 and the remainder of the 10 appeared to be slowing down or had arrested. We hope to freeze at least the one embryo and pray that a few of the others will make it to the Blastocyst stage.
Pam
This was a 5 day transfer. One embryo made it to the Blastocyst - Grade 1 and the other is a Morula - Grade 2. Our Reproductive Endocrinologist uses a grading scale of 1 to 3 with 1 being excellent, 2 equals average and 3 is poor! We are very excited to have transferred the 2 embryo's.
After our Egg Retrieval, we received our fertilization report 2 days later. Of the 12 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature and 10 fertilized. We were thrilled to be parents of Dectuplets. The Embryologist warned us that due to the number of eggs that fertilized there was a possibility that we might do a 6 day transfer instead of the planned 5 day transfer. On the day before our 5 day transfer, the embryologist called and confirmed that we would do a 5 day transfer but that it would be in the late afternoon.
At the time of our embryo transfer, we had a 3rd Morula that was a Grade 3 and the remainder of the 10 appeared to be slowing down or had arrested. We hope to freeze at least the one embryo and pray that a few of the others will make it to the Blastocyst stage.
Pam
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Egg Retrieval Today!
It is so exciting that we have made it through the first 2 stages of In Vitro Fertilization ("IVF"). This is actually our 2nd attempt at IVF as our first IVF only produced 3 mature follicles resulting in it being canceled and converted to an intrauterine insemination (IUI). From taking stimulation drugs and now to EGG RETRIEVAL...
Yippee!!! Egg Retrieval was today at 12:30 pm. Our RE retrieved 12 eggs. We are thrilled to have 12 eggs as this is on the high end of the number of eggs we were told to expect. The total number of eggs we were expecting was between 8 to 12 based on having approx. 16 follicles.
Now we await to hear from the embryologist as to how many of the eggs fertilized. Our fertilization report will be on Friday. We are SOOO excited and thrilled that this IVF cycle has been going so well. It is really exciting to know that we were able retrieve the 12 eggs. God continues to be in controll especially now as we wait to find out about fertilization of our 12 eggs. We pray that God will BLESS us with 8 to 12 FERTILIZED eggs although it is not uncommon to have only about 1/2 of the eggs fertilize. It really comes down to putting God in control, trusting that he has a plan for us and each of our 12 eggs.
Mike and I have been trying to concieve ("TTC") since July 2005. I immediately met with my OB/Gyn to discuss possible issues with TTC. Since we were both older than 35 and I have diabetes, my OB/Gyn immediately started the initial testing for possible issues and told us he would refer us to a Reproductive Endocrinologist if we were not pregnant after 6 months. We saw Dr. Malo from the Center for Reproductive Medicine (CRM) in December 2005.
In January 2006, I was diagnosed with Endomtrial Cancer and in May 2006, I was cancer free. We immediately started doing IUI's in May 2006. We did 2 cycles with Clomid (one cycle canceled) then we moved onto injectables. In November 2006, we did get pregnant but I miscarried at approx. 6w3days.
After taking a couple months off from the infertility treatments and going on a vacation, we decided it was time to move onto IVF in January 2007. Our 1st IVF attempt was April/May 2007 which was canceled and converted to an IUI since I didn't respond as expected. I was on a Long Lupron Protocol. Our RE strongly believed that the lupron over-suppressed my ovaries shutting them down almost completely only producing 3 follicles.
Our embryo transfer will be on Monday, 8/20.
Yippee!!! Egg Retrieval was today at 12:30 pm. Our RE retrieved 12 eggs. We are thrilled to have 12 eggs as this is on the high end of the number of eggs we were told to expect. The total number of eggs we were expecting was between 8 to 12 based on having approx. 16 follicles.
Now we await to hear from the embryologist as to how many of the eggs fertilized. Our fertilization report will be on Friday. We are SOOO excited and thrilled that this IVF cycle has been going so well. It is really exciting to know that we were able retrieve the 12 eggs. God continues to be in controll especially now as we wait to find out about fertilization of our 12 eggs. We pray that God will BLESS us with 8 to 12 FERTILIZED eggs although it is not uncommon to have only about 1/2 of the eggs fertilize. It really comes down to putting God in control, trusting that he has a plan for us and each of our 12 eggs.
Mike and I have been trying to concieve ("TTC") since July 2005. I immediately met with my OB/Gyn to discuss possible issues with TTC. Since we were both older than 35 and I have diabetes, my OB/Gyn immediately started the initial testing for possible issues and told us he would refer us to a Reproductive Endocrinologist if we were not pregnant after 6 months. We saw Dr. Malo from the Center for Reproductive Medicine (CRM) in December 2005.
In January 2006, I was diagnosed with Endomtrial Cancer and in May 2006, I was cancer free. We immediately started doing IUI's in May 2006. We did 2 cycles with Clomid (one cycle canceled) then we moved onto injectables. In November 2006, we did get pregnant but I miscarried at approx. 6w3days.
After taking a couple months off from the infertility treatments and going on a vacation, we decided it was time to move onto IVF in January 2007. Our 1st IVF attempt was April/May 2007 which was canceled and converted to an IUI since I didn't respond as expected. I was on a Long Lupron Protocol. Our RE strongly believed that the lupron over-suppressed my ovaries shutting them down almost completely only producing 3 follicles.
Our embryo transfer will be on Monday, 8/20.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Day 11 of Stims - WE TRIGGER!
We officially received word to trigger at 12:30am, Tuesday morning for Egg Retrieval Wednesday 8/15 at 12:30 PM...
It is hard to express our feelings and how excited we are to have made it as far as Egg Retrieval. Throughout this process, God continues to be in control blessing my body and helping our follicles grow. I must admit to wondering if we would make and if we did make it how many eggs would be retrieved. My estrogen levels didn't seem to be as high as I would expect considering the number of mature follicles present.
It is hard to express our feelings and how excited we are to have made it as far as Egg Retrieval. Throughout this process, God continues to be in control blessing my body and helping our follicles grow. I must admit to wondering if we would make and if we did make it how many eggs would be retrieved. My estrogen levels didn't seem to be as high as I would expect considering the number of mature follicles present.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
IVF Day 10 of Stims!
Well, we had a great ultrasound this morning which is Day 10 of stims. My estrogen levels are also doing much better. At this time it looks like we will have approx. 12 to 15 viable follicles at Egg Retrieval.
The RE called and told us to continue stims for one more day and another u/s on Day 11 of stims to check the lining of my uterus which is still on the thin side. This past Friday, we added estrogen patched in the hopes that will help thicken the lining of my uterus.
We will be triggering tomorrow night (8/13) and Egg Retrieval will be on 8/15 with Embryo Transfer on 8/20!
The RE called and told us to continue stims for one more day and another u/s on Day 11 of stims to check the lining of my uterus which is still on the thin side. This past Friday, we added estrogen patched in the hopes that will help thicken the lining of my uterus.
We will be triggering tomorrow night (8/13) and Egg Retrieval will be on 8/15 with Embryo Transfer on 8/20!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
IVF Day 7 of Stims!
Well, we've been stimming for 7 days now. Our ultrasound on day 6 of stims showed that we had a total of 6 follicles measuring between 10 mm to 14 mm and my estrogen level was at 463. The RE was thrilled with the estrogen level and decided to keep us on the same iu of follistim. On Day 5, we added 1 vial of Menopur (75 iu) to our shot regiment in the morning. Today, we also started taking the Ganirelix shot in the morning. Ganirelix keeps me from prematurely ovulating. So now I'm doing a total of 3 shots in the morning and 1 shot in the evening.
Tomorrow morning we have our 3rd u/s. I'm hoping there will be another 6+ viable follicles for a total of 12 follicles. I'm thinking they should be measuring somewhere between 11 mm to 16 mm. Up to this point, my left ovary has been somewhat quiet letting my right ovary do all the work. Hopefully the left ovary has joined in the team effort.
The IVF process amazes me. We can only do so much and I'm thankful to God that we do have the technology to do IVF yet it is still all in the hands of God. Everything from how my body responds to the medications, the number of eggs actually retrieved to the fertilization process. Then there is the process of waiting and praying that the eggs that do fertilize grow and divide into strong, healthy embryo's. Throughout the process, I'm amazed at how the hand of God is so much in control.
Both Mike and I have struggled with our anger, frustration and dissapointment with God with the our lack of success getting pregnant. As we've been doing a bible study together, we've been able to share and turn over to God our frustrations. We continue to pray that God will bless us with a healthy 9-month pregnancy.
My feelings and emotions have been all over the board. This cycle has been much more emotional for me. During the day, I find myself feeling weepy over the smallest emotional trigger. Thankfully, my RE gave the go ahead to continue doing water aerobics which I find to be a huge stress reliever and very relaxing. It also helps alievate the IVF bloat. While feeling emotional, I'm also extremely excited, ecstatic and very hopeful with our progress up this point. This cycle I feel much more positive about the whole process in general. I think it helps that we started this IVF cycle on the same day as my God-Daughter, Kerrigan's, 10th birthday. I'm also hopeful that Egg Retrieval will be on August 15th which is my Grandma's birthday. Even if we have Egg Retrieval on August 14th (a good possibility), I am thrilled that it is so close to Grandma's birthday. It does surprise me how "time" consuming IVF is and, to some extent, exhausting. There is so much to keep track of with shots, tracking medication and making sure I have enough medication to get me to our trigger day. Sometimes it feels overwhelming and on those days I'm really glad that Mike bought me a palm pilot to help keep track of everything. That little palm pilot was definitely an excellent purchase. Well, I'm rambling...
To be honest, with my current emotional state on drugs I feel "spacey." My thoughts are all over the place and I find it difficult to concentrate.
Please keep praying for us. Again, we are very excited about this IVF and hopeful. God is definitely in control and we know that he has plans for us. Plans for our future which we, hope and pray, will include children... Of course, we are "secretly" praying for TWINS! Ok... not so secret!
Pam
Tomorrow morning we have our 3rd u/s. I'm hoping there will be another 6+ viable follicles for a total of 12 follicles. I'm thinking they should be measuring somewhere between 11 mm to 16 mm. Up to this point, my left ovary has been somewhat quiet letting my right ovary do all the work. Hopefully the left ovary has joined in the team effort.
The IVF process amazes me. We can only do so much and I'm thankful to God that we do have the technology to do IVF yet it is still all in the hands of God. Everything from how my body responds to the medications, the number of eggs actually retrieved to the fertilization process. Then there is the process of waiting and praying that the eggs that do fertilize grow and divide into strong, healthy embryo's. Throughout the process, I'm amazed at how the hand of God is so much in control.
Both Mike and I have struggled with our anger, frustration and dissapointment with God with the our lack of success getting pregnant. As we've been doing a bible study together, we've been able to share and turn over to God our frustrations. We continue to pray that God will bless us with a healthy 9-month pregnancy.
My feelings and emotions have been all over the board. This cycle has been much more emotional for me. During the day, I find myself feeling weepy over the smallest emotional trigger. Thankfully, my RE gave the go ahead to continue doing water aerobics which I find to be a huge stress reliever and very relaxing. It also helps alievate the IVF bloat. While feeling emotional, I'm also extremely excited, ecstatic and very hopeful with our progress up this point. This cycle I feel much more positive about the whole process in general. I think it helps that we started this IVF cycle on the same day as my God-Daughter, Kerrigan's, 10th birthday. I'm also hopeful that Egg Retrieval will be on August 15th which is my Grandma's birthday. Even if we have Egg Retrieval on August 14th (a good possibility), I am thrilled that it is so close to Grandma's birthday. It does surprise me how "time" consuming IVF is and, to some extent, exhausting. There is so much to keep track of with shots, tracking medication and making sure I have enough medication to get me to our trigger day. Sometimes it feels overwhelming and on those days I'm really glad that Mike bought me a palm pilot to help keep track of everything. That little palm pilot was definitely an excellent purchase. Well, I'm rambling...
To be honest, with my current emotional state on drugs I feel "spacey." My thoughts are all over the place and I find it difficult to concentrate.
Please keep praying for us. Again, we are very excited about this IVF and hopeful. God is definitely in control and we know that he has plans for us. Plans for our future which we, hope and pray, will include children... Of course, we are "secretly" praying for TWINS! Ok... not so secret!
Pam
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Kerrigan's 10th Birthday
This past weekend we were in South Bend, Indiana to celebrate Kerrigan's 10th Birthday. I can't believe she is now in the "double digits!" She is growing up SOOOOOO fast! The party was lots of fun and most of the kids moved into the swimming pool after the gifts were opened.
Happy Birthday, Kerrigan! We love you!
Pam and Mike
Happy Birthday, Kerrigan! We love you!
Pam and Mike
IVF Update
On August 3rd, we started our shots. I'm currently on 150 iu of Follistim in the morning and 225 iu in the evening. Today was our 3rd day of stims. Tomorrow morning I have my 1st ultrasound (u/s) to see how my follicles are developing and how many are present. They will also take some blood to determine what my estradol levels are which helps the doctor determine if our morning or evening dosage needs to be adjusted.
The appointment is bright and early at 7:00 am. I'm excited and nervous! We are praying that the developing follicles are on target for where they should be at this time.
The appointment is bright and early at 7:00 am. I'm excited and nervous! We are praying that the developing follicles are on target for where they should be at this time.
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